The Love Dare: Day 1

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Funny, though, that for most of my life I have been surrounded by people who struggle with lust of all kinds. Life intervened—Scott went to the doctor because of back pain, and learned he had to be tested for kidney stones. I have always loved her, but now I have found a better way to love her.

Topping the New York Times list and selling three million copies, The Love Dare has established itself as more than a book; it's an unstoppable marriage movement. The choice to love. But I do think I need this time, this break, to focus on what is really important and to discover new direction instead of allowing my life to be one assignment after another without really serving my purpose.

We Took the Love Dare

The following is the journal Mary kept of her daily experience. The challenge A group of people from our church went to see the movie FIREPROOF last fall. The night was a fun one—good people, inspiring movie, and a bit of fellowship afterward. But there really was no reason to think it could be more than that. My husband, Scott, and I decided to join three other couples in accepting the challenge. My reasons for taking the dare? Well, there are quite a few. First and simplest, I support the marriage ministry in our church as much as possible; it has honestly blessed the two of us, and I want to keep it moving forward. I want us to draw closer to God and each other, of course, but I also need these 40 days to be a time of personal reflection. The wounds may heal, but scabs seem to get knocked off sometimes, and this is my problem. I have to learn to accept the scars for what they are, and not allow anything or anybody to allow the past come back to haunt me. Day 1: Love is patient The Dare: For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. Unfortunately, Scott has been on the receiving end of that spewing more than anyone else. So I did hold back all negativity, and our day went pretty smoothly. He did the same, and even though we were presented with a challenge of the parenting kind, which is pretty normal in our lives , we remained positive in our words to one another. So I guess we passed this dare. I guess I never really thought about the role patience plays in our marriage. So I can pat myself on the back for my editing skills, but I really do need to work on patience. Day 2: Love is kind The Dare: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. Okay, Day One was a bit of a breeze for us. I was feeling a bit challenged about the dare. Show a gesture of kindness? I wanted to clean our bedroom, which certainly would be a huge act of kindness for both of us! Life intervened—Scott went to the doctor because of back pain, and learned he had to be tested for kidney stones. So I took over cooking duties while he went for his ultrasound. I also got the bedding cleaned so he could rest comfortably. He did thank me for taking good care of him, so maybe he did receive my gesture and it was kind! Thinking about it, I came to a revelation. My husband is really good at being kind, especially when it comes to me. I thank God this dare opened my eyes to a really wonderful attribute of the man I married. I pray that I show him how much his kindness is appreciated. Back when we were having problems, Scott used to blame things on his selfishness. I guess he was probably right. He did have the tendency to think of himself, his own wants, before anything or anybody else. Of course, knowing that he wanted things that could hurt me still bothers me. I have to work on letting go. I think doing this together puts us at a bit of a disadvantage, because we know what the other is dared to do each day. But my husband managed to catch me off guard. The night before he bought me some caramel candy my favorite , and I told him he was early on the gift. So yesterday when I was getting out of work, I was totally distracted. When I opened my car door, I found a bouquet of roses and mums and a note along with a piece of the caramel candy. I was so totally surprised, I almost cried. It was sweet of him to present it that way, and made me feel really good. Since our funds are really limited these days, I bought him a card and developed some pictures of our last trip to Disney World. I wrote a note in the card about remembering the good times past and looking forward to those to come. I also bought a peanut butter chocolate bar his favorite and put all three into a gold gift bag. I think what these lessons are doing for me is making me look at myself more closely instead of focusing on how to change him. I want to work on that, because he should know what he means to me and how much I appreciate the gift God gave me in him. Day 4: Love is thoughtful The Dare: Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them. I probably break this rule more than most spouses to begin with. You see, he leaves the house at 5 a. In his previous job, which was even further away, I had him ring once upon arrival, just so I could feel assured of his safety. I waited until the end of his day around 2 p. I still just got the voice mail, so I left a message saying I was thinking of him and asking if there was anything I could do for him. Of course, he must know I did this because of the dare, but it was still timely as he has been having back pains recently and is being tested for kidney and gall stones. So asking if I could do something for him was very appropriate. He called me back after he clocked out as he does every day and we just chatted. I guess our phone calls in our courtship were more exciting and fun and full of sparks. But I like staying connected about the day-to-day things too. After all, those day to day mundane details are the stuff of our lives, and make our love seem real and lasting. Day 5: Love is not rude The Dare: Ask your spouse to do three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do this without attacking them or justifying your behavior. Now how tough was this? But Scott was quite kind in his criticism of me. See, he is good at that. I had to disagree with that last point, as I do, always. But he was spot on in his other points. And I am totally guilty on the snooze alarm charge. I was tentative about the conversation, but everything went well and we were able to air some of those silly nuisances that can become real problems if left unspoken. More important, it made me aware of how we need to have more of these conversations, so things can be settled before they go too far. Day 6: Love is not irritable The Dare: Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margins to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life. We were dared to react to tough circumstances in our marriage with love instead of irritation. Okay, I get that. But the dare said to start out by making a list of where I need to add margins to my life. The book said the Bible encourages us to honor the Sabbath, a vacation from the day-to-day obligations which will cushion us from the pressures around us. Sometimes I worry about not making money, and sometimes I miss the work. But I do think I need this time, this break, to focus on what is really important and to discover new direction instead of allowing my life to be one assignment after another without really serving my purpose. So how does this apply to my marriage? Well, adding those margins gives me more time to reconnect to my husband. The last part of the dare was to rid myself of my bad motivations. Day 7: Love believes the best The Dare: On one sheet of paper, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on a second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day … at some point during the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic. Today really required some reflection. The dare was to make two lists, one detailing the positive things about my spouse and the other listing the negative. I guess it hit home a bit. It said that in our hearts there are two rooms—the Appreciation Room and the Depreciation Room. On the walls of the first are written all the good things about our spouse, the things that make them special to us. The theory is that the more time we spend in the Appreciation Room, the more grateful we will become for the unique gift God has given us in our spouse. On the flip side, the more time we spend in the Depreciation Room, the more we will devalue this gift. In the first, love and gratitude blossom; in the second, marriages wither and die. Well, I have to admit spending more than my share of time in the Depreciation Room. Scott does so much for me, but often I keep my eyes on the hurts of the past and shrug off the goodness happening now. Scott testifies that he asked Jesus to change him and He did, but I need to accept that change and not worry about the things that happened before. Anyway, I wrote my lists. The positive list started out being easier. At first I struggled with the negative, but then I remembered some past hurts that just opened the floodgates. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed. But this time I have to point the finger right at myself. Yes, I have been jealous. A lot of that has to do with insecurity, but I guess the outcome is the same. I even comforted myself by highlighting the section in the book about legitimate jealousy, as I feel a lot of mine falls under this category. Still, sometimes my jealousy takes an irrational turn. I do feel a bit jealous of things or people that take him away from me. I need to feel more secure in our bond, and the knowledge that God made us for each other. Destroying the list was easy—I just tossed the piece of notebook paper into the chimera and the flames blackened it to ash in the wink of an eye. Then I prayed that my negativity would disappear just as quickly. I want him to know how much I appreciate these attributes and, most of all, the love he shows me. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them. I am indicted on this one too. This is another area where my own self worth or lack thereof manifests itself. Scott and I usually do well in the morning, talking for a couple of minutes before he leaves for work. Other times, though, I fall short. So I have my work cut out for me here. Rushing to him as soon as I walk in the door will be a fun habit to get into! Day 10: Love is unconditional The Dare: Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse—something that proves to you and to them that your love is based on your choice and nothing else…. Be it beauty or money or that rush of romance, all of these will change through the years. But if we want our marriages to go the distance and I do! In fact, we need the unconditional—the agape love shown to us by our heavenly Father. I think that, in the beginning of our relationship, our love was phileo—a friendship. In Scott I found someone I enjoyed spending time with and talking to, and that grew into romantic love. But I do believe our commitment now is based on unconditional love. Things have changed a lot since the beginning, but we are committed to each other and love each other even through the hard times which have been tough in the past two years, when he got sick and then lost his job. What he had or how he looked had nothing to do with the love I had for him. I pray that we continue to keep our commitment uncluttered — even when the world piles up around us. My husband is holding the leash. I know these things sound small, but they add up. So when we needed milk for dinner, he grabbed his car keys and headed toward the door. Then I spoke up. I know you work hard at keeping this life good and happy and strong. Sit back with the paper and have a cup of coffee. I cherish you and realize you deserve it. And in my equally imperfect way, I want him to get the same message, no matter how many words it takes. Day 12: Love lets others win The Dare: Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first. Is that like surrender? There it was—I was making winning the argument more important than my marriage. Day 13: Love fights fair The Dare: Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement…. Yes, the one in which we were to establish rules of engagement for future fights. We started out pretty well, agreeing to keep our fights to just the problem at hand instead of drudging up everything that happened in the past and to keep our fights behind closed doors, particularly being sensitive to our children. We were cozy and content, almost in complete agreement, when Scott suggested we air our problems as soon as possible after they happen, instead of letting them brew and bubble over. Well, that makes sense, right? Now on one hand, this is good—we have a third less disagreements. I guess we had to try out the new rules sooner or later. Day 14: Love takes delight The Dare: Purposely neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. While we were dating and especially when we were a long-distance couple, him in Massachusetts and me in New Jersey , we planned every phone call, emailed at the same time each day, coordinated meetings midway and celebrated every minute of togetherness. When did being with each other become mundane, ordinary, not something to plan and look forward to and relish? The main idea is that love is a choice, and you can choose to receive your spouse joyously the way I did way back when. So a good wife will choose to treasure her spouse—warts, snoring, remote hogging and all—and will plan time to get to know him better, taking joy in the whole process. So guess what I gave up today? Day 15: Love is honorable The Dare: Choose a way to honor and respect your spouse that is above your normal routine…show your spouse that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes. Most men really long for respect from their spouse. He has Jesus for that, and Jesus does a better job than I can ever aspire to. No, I came into his life to love him, to lift him up and comfort him, to stand by his side and accept him as he is. After all, he is the special and unique person sent by God to be my partner. Ah, yes, the power of prayer. In that prayer, we usually thank God for another day of life and ask Him to keep us all safe throughout the day. So often I pray about what troubles me, for the problems of the world and the problems in my life, and for answers. Even when giving thanks, I seem to forget to thank God for Scott. I guess we really do take things for granted. So today I prayed. And, since I was on my knees already, I asked that my heart yield to my husband in all things, that I respect the person he is now without clinging to that dead self I seem unable to let go of. The Lord has done great things in his life, and I need to respect that. I pray that I can show that respect in all I do. I also wrote down my prayer and emailed it to Scott, so he knows I am praying for him and lifting him up while he goes about the day. Talk with your spouse and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe. In many ways, today was a toughie. Then, as I have alluded to in previous entries, Scott had kept some secrets from me when we were first married that caused some damage later on, when revealed. In the aftermath—because he was determined to do anything to save our marriage—he came to Christ and has allowed Jesus to change him completely. So in a way, the ugliness we went through led us to a very positive outcome … but unfortunately, it did leave me a bit scared too. I will keep them secret, just between us and our God. I want him to have confidence in me and my love for him, so he can be my ultimate editor. I know God will guide the two of us as we decide what to keep and what to share. Day 18: Love seeks to understand The Dare: Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate. The challenge required that you make a special meal for your spouse, then sit down over the meal and get to know each other better. Well, since both of us are doing the Love Dare and we only need one dinner a day though Scott could certainly eat more! I do have to say, my husband rose to the occasion on this one. He prepared a seafood pie, which is something I first tried when we were on our honeymoon while my more adventurous spouse dined on buffalo. I love seafood, and this particular dish has that tie to one of the happiest times in our history as a couple, so it was a great choice for this particular meal and I was touched that he put so much thought into it. Keeping in that mood, we reminisced about our honeymoon and those early days of our marriage. Then we talked a bit about how things have changed, but how the love we felt back then remains. I learned a little about his childhood, and we talked a bit about where I felt moved to go with my writing. It was a wonderfully intimate dinner. Now comes the real challenge: finding opportunities to have the same type of conversation while dishing out hamburgers to the kids! Day 19: Love is impossible The Dare: Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask him to show you where you stand with him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination. Of course love, the unconditional agape love we have been aspiring to, is totally impossible for sinners like us. But if we walk close to him, he will let us show that unconditional love to others. His love, not ours. Remember what it was like when you first opened your heart to Jesus? You wanted to learn all about him, to be in the word, to stay in prayer constantly and only grow closer to him. But—just like in our marriage—our lives get in the way. Somehow we put that most essential relationship on the back burner. Recently I believe the Lord has been telling me to slow down. In fact, I felt called to stop pursuing paying writing jobs for awhile, and to prayerfully wait for what the Lord will have me do next. Now, this may sound like no big deal, but my writing has pretty much defined me. It was like someone asking me to hold back on breathing for awhile. But I feel led to pray and wait, just as the early Christians did back before the Pentecost. I want to be filled with a renewed spirit so my time is not wasted in worldly pursuits, but in walking more closely with my Lord and acting as a true member of the body of Christ. Day 20: Love is Jesus Christ The Dare: Dare to take God at his word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. But you have shown your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and you have proven your power to save me from death by your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by your grace. After all, I was a sinner, and God detests sin. Then a friend explained it this way: Think of yourself as a card, and Jesus Christ is the envelope. When you accept Jesus, you are in Jesus—that is, the card is placed in the envelope. Now, that may be a bit simplistic, but the idea appeals to this simple woman. And I want to help others come to that love, to understand their sins are forgiven completely, washed away at the cross. Where better to start than at home? And He will use me to show His perfect love to His imperfect people, including my wonderful imperfect husband. What an honor that is! Day 21: Love is satisfied in God The Dare: Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible…. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him. Okay, so what does this have to do with marriage? But no matter how terrific they may be, our spouses are just like us—only human, sinners, unreliable, broken. Only God is there for us at all times, in all ways, every single step of the way. I do try to read the Bible daily because it helps me stay focused and, to be honest, it makes me feel good. So I did my reading today, but I tried to immerse myself as the dare challenged—to feel the love God has for me and to have faith in His promise. I hope that, by not just going through the motions but really seeking that kingdom, the kingdom of love my Abba Father has created for me, I can learn to be a better follower, a more obedient child, and a more active part of the body of Christ. And, of course, a better wife and mother, too! Day 22: Love is faithful The Dare: Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. I was a bit, well, enthusiastic about my proclamation. I tell you that all the time. The second was a reminder that yes, he does tell me all the time. And do you know how I usually answer him? I have a hard time accepting love. I want an explanation—what is lovable about me? I guess Gomer might have felt the same way about Hosea. Why did he love her, when she was unfaithful to him and hurt him so? Then I started thinking about why I allowed Scott back into my life even after the times he had become my enemy. God always takes me back, even though I fall away, backslide and even give priority to worldly things at times. Since Scott is my gift from the perfect gift-giver—and my Abba Father—why would I ever refuse him my love? God gave us the perfect example of love by sending His Son to die for us, even while we were still sinning, still backsliding, still turning away. Once we ask that Son, that love, to dwell in our hearts, forgiveness and acceptance become more than duties. Giving them becomes downright joyous, so do it with enthusiasm! This one was tough for me. None of these things are hindering my relationship in and of itself, but the time I use doing these things should not interfere with the time I have with my husband. Okay, guilty as charged. I want to live more purposefully, instead of just letting life happen as I so often do. Tonight, my prayer will be that I protect the greatest relationships of my life, and that I invest my time wisely so these relationships can blossom and be a thing of beauty for all who see them. Day 24: Love vs. Remove every object of lust in your life … it must be killed and destroyed — today — and replaced with the sure promise of God and a heart filled with his perfect love. In the movie, this dare led up to one of the most dramatic scenes, when Caleb realized his flirtation with online pornography was killing his marriage. Funny, though, that for most of my life I have been surrounded by people who struggle with lust of all kinds. Sometimes I have felt compassion for them, and other times I have been judgmental. Let me come to a full realization that no disobedience is worse than my own, and that I need to depend on my perfect Lord to heal me and help me. Let it go… unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Today, however, is a different story. I fall short, big time, when it comes to true forgiveness, the kind I need so much myself. I would have had to be, to allow us to get past all that and lead us here, in a relatively healthy and happy marriage. Yes, I have put things aside, but too often I allow the past to come up, rearing its ugly head and cursing at the future. I have accused Scott of forgiving himself too easily, making it even harder for me to let go. But the truth is this is my problem, not his. He has allowed Jesus to come into his heart and change him. He has confidence in the strength of the Lord, and that lets him move forward without fear of the past returning. Except, of course, when his wife brings it up. Well, I guess the truest answer is that it hurt — it hurt to be betrayed by the person I trusted most. But as a Christian, I believe I am forgiven. I have confidence that the blood of my Savior has washed away my sins—not just covered them with red, but cleaned my soul white again. So if the perfect God is willing to do this for me, how can I deny forgiveness to a fellow struggling sinner? I put my trust in Jesus, because he is always there and always reliable. Day 26: Love is responsible The Dare: Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Well, after all that self-searching yesterday, it seemed only fitting that I confess to Scott my reluctance to let go of the past. I convince myself that these problems are still just a thought away, so that all the layers of past hurt cover me and make it impossible for me to be hurt that way again since part of the pain came from being so totally blindsided. These are the gifts of a good and thriving marriage, gifts that will bring me closer to my spouse and nearer to the Lord. I know Scott thought we had moved on a long time ago, and that everything was good between us. Of course, the real challenge comes now. But I need to act that way. I cannot act with suspicion or worry. Day 27: Love encourages The Dare: Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Once upon a time, I wanted more than anything else to be a stay-at-home mom. When our little girl was born, my employer allowed me to work part time until she was a year old. It was one of the happiest years of my life. But then she turned one, and I had to make a decision—to stay at home or to return full time. We could have gone on with the part-time income, as tough as it was, but no way could we do without my paycheck. It would have been foolish for me to leave my stable, relatively flexible position, so I returned to work. Now, there was nothing wrong with the dream. My desire to parent my children full time was a good one, and I admire people who can make it work. I still hope that someday I will. But I was poisoning my marriage by expecting my husband to make my dream come true, when I know that he already works hard and does without and would do anything in his power to help make this happen. Purpose to do what you can to meet the need. Scott is not a needy person. Well, that, and for us to take better care of things the next time! Most of all, my husband wants my ear, my attention. He loves to come home and tell me all about his work or the drive home or the other mundane details of his day, but I often shut him down by not being available. Yet I know my calling is to be there for him, to listen and understand and be on his side through the hard times and the good times and even the painfully mundane times. I need to close my book or turn away from the monitor and focus my undivided attention on him, so he knows he always has my support. I do love Scott dearly, and it seems to take so little to make him happy. He just needs reconnection, someone to listen and understand and be on his side. Then thank God for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person unconditionally. What gets people together? What keeps them together? What inspires them to love through the bad times and the beautiful, the struggles, the sorrows and the sensational? Most of us have pretty decent beginnings. But what is that glue that keeps us together? If a marriage is going to go the distance, our motivation has to be something more than whatever the superficial things were that brought us together. Our togetherness needs purposefulness, and that purpose has to be bigger than the both of us. In short, honoring God with our togetherness is what keeps love alive long past the initial attraction. Of course, you may have known all this before. But this realization was like a light switching on in my heart. The love Scott and I share will never fail, because at its core is the unfailing love of our Father. Day 30: Love brings unity The Dare: Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that he will do the same for them. Coming up with an area of division was actually pretty tough. We usually agree on most things, and each is pretty easy going on the things we disagree on. So I prayed that we become more in sync when it comes to our parenting. We need to become more proactive at deciding things together beforehand, instead of waiting until something happens then reacting emotionally and divisively. We must carry our unity as a couple on to unity as parents. I also thanked God that we could be in such a good place right now. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage your priority over any other human relationship. I guess I always had an easy time with leaving my parents Genesis 2:24. After all, my mother has been dead for ten years and my father is remarried and investing his time and energy on his new life. Oh sure, we still are in touch, and I love him and respect him as my father, but he certainly has minimal impact on my marriage. So I had to tell my sweetie, in the kindest, most respectful terms possible, that this one is his. I have to be fair, though. But I need to be fair. Leaving may be his issue; cleaving, at times, is mine. I know Scott is the most important human relationship in my life, and I believe he feels the same about me. I feel very blessed with this relationship, one that allows me the joy of loving a wonderful man and honoring the God who gave us to each other. Day 32: Love meets sexual needs The Dare: Initiate sex with your spouse today. Do it in a way that honors what your spouse needs from you. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you. So how do I say this? Scott and I have never had a problem sexually. But since I was dared, I decided that I would do this today—one way or the other. Fortunately, it ended up being pretty easy. We were in church waiting for the Wednesday night worship and Bible study to start. We have to have sex! Day 33: Love completes each other The Dare: Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today you desire them to be included in your upcoming decisions and that you need their perspective and counsel. Ouch, talk about convicted. Earlier this week, I took pride in our unity. But another truth is that we seem to make a lot of decisions independently. And you know what? A married couple is more than the sum of two individuals. We are a unit, one flesh, and we can accomplish more and more happily! Day 34: Love celebrates godliness The Dare: Find a recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way, and verbally commend them for this. When we first came together, we both believed in Jesus, but it was almost an afterthought. Then he admitted some of his problems to me, and I thought our marriage would fall apart. Who was this man? How come so much was kept secret? I was hurt and despairing and ready to walk away, but Scott wanted to fight for our marriage. When I asked how, one of his suggestions—his best suggestion, really—was to return to God and start attending church. Since that time, we have both grown so much as Christians. Although we recognize that we are sinners and will always fall short, we try our best to dedicate our lives to God in all things and trust in him. But he has purposely turned down jobs that would involve his working on Sundays. The recent example I chose to commend him on today had to do with a man at his work. I often question my own motives. But my husband demonstrated true giving, the way Jesus gave to us: motivated by love, compelled by our need, without thought of commendation, recognition or praise. Day 35: Love is accountable The Dare: Find a marriage mentor—someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel counseling is needed, make the appointment. It was the first class I ever took at the church we went back to church to save our marriage, remember, so this just made sense. The class was taught by a young couple who was committed to each other, to God, and to being transparent about their struggles in keeping all this together. It was this couple who reached out to all the married couples in the church and invited them to the first Weekend to Remember conference. Some of the couples are newlyweds, and some have been married almost 50 years. Some are in the throes of parenting, others are empty-nesters, and one couple is counting the days until the arrival of their first little one. Despite being in different stages of our lives or maybe because of it , we can encourage each other, share with each other and learn from each other. If your church has a marriage ministry, get involved. If not, start one! You and your marriage will be so very blessed by it. Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock. Scott and I were raised Catholics. There was always a Bible in my home growing up, but it was just a large catalog where my grandmother would record the family births, marriages and deaths. We never read it, and we never saw our parents read it either. My parents sent me to Catholic school, where I aced my religion classes without cracking open a Bible. I learned the classic Bible stories through my religion books; I prayed using the words in the missals in the pews at church. Sure, the Bible was quoted regularly and we heard the Gospel, straight from the New Testament, every Sunday, but no one ever encouraged me to pick up the Good Book and read it. Once we came to Christ, we realized how remiss we had been. We read of the Bible and about the Bible, but we never really read the Bible. But, as baby Christians, we were eager to learn all we could about the Lord. And we plunged in. I cannot explain in a sentence or two what a blessing this has been. I feel myself growing as a Christian as I read the wise words and take them to heart. Another benefit is that the kids see us reading regularly. The Bible has become the true living Word in our household—not just a record keeper, but a guide and a counselor, a map for the life between the birth and the marriages and the deaths. Day 37: Love agrees in prayer The Dare: Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Sometimes I feel lonely and I think I have no one to listen to me, but the Lord of the Universe is waiting for me to talk to him. How awesome is that? Scott and I pray together in the morning before he leaves for work, and if we remember we try to pray together before and after we read the Bible each day. I am going to talk to him about praying with the children before bed, and then praying together before we go to sleep as well. But it gave us a starting point for a prayer, and I think it helped her learn to pray with someone else—intentionally and out loud. I plan to make the prayer chain a tradition. The Lord has given so much power to Christians joined together in prayer. I want to do the same with my children, too. They may not be as comfortable, but over time our prayers will help bring all of us closer to God, who is so patiently waiting to hear us call His name. Day 38: Love fulfills dreams The Dare: Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some if not all of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can. Here I am, in the home stretch of the Love Dare, but I found myself stopping short. I even asked him go to the source, right? So I had to figure out what to pray for … something beyond the things we always pray for, like health and safety and a closer walk with the Lord. Then I remembered a couple of weeks ago, when my brother asked my husband if he wanted to go skiing. Being from New England, Scott was practically raised on skis, but he rarely gets an opportunity to hit the slopes. The conversation ended there. If a couple of hours on the slopes will bring him joy—a taste of home, if you will—then why should I let mere dollars stand in his way? Day 39: Love endures The Dare: Spend some time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. No, true love never fails because it never gives up. Love, true love, is forever. I do believe I will love Scott forever. So why do I find this dare so frightening? That was failure, human failure. So the only way to become truly one is to trust in the Lord, accept this wonderful scary gift He has given you, and open yourself up to its possibilities. I can only fully live that love by opening myself up completely. I picked up my pen, with a great deal of trepidation but overflowing with love. God gave me the courage to write through my tears, and filled my heart with hope of a love without boundaries or expiration. The hope of the love of God. Day 40: Love is a covenant The Dare: Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. If appropriate, you can make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present. This one, the last dare, will take some time. I do so want to get it right. When we first saw the movie, my husband felt moved to renew our vows, the way Caleb did. Back when we first were married, he had carried a lot of secrets with him, secrets that hurt our marriage as they were revealed in time. Now, we can look each other in the eye; we know the secrets and the shortcomings. He wanted to stand before the Lord, free and clear, and take our vows again — this time with each of us knowing that love never fails. Well, he had planned to do this, but he wanted to surprise me with it. Unfortunately, I became aware that he was doing something secretly, and it scared me. I confronted him, and the whole wonderful plan spilled out. We let it go then; I guess my suspicion choked the joy out of the idea. I want to hold his hands and look into his eyes, before God and all those we love, and ask for blessings on this journey. © 2008 by Mary Dixon Lebeau.

Day 33: Love completes each other The Dare: Recognize that your between is integral to your future success. Francis of Assisi obviously was ahead of the what is the love dare on this revelation Then, in February, I read about a man named Nate Bagley who had traveled the world seeking the best love advice from long-term couples. And during those 40 days, I saw my met — but more importantly, me within that relationship — be transformed. As a result, romantic hopes are often replaced with disappointment in the home. I want us to draw closer to God and each other, of course, but I also need these 40 days to be a u of personal reflection. Being from New England, Scott was practically raised on skis, but he rarely gets an opportunity to hit the slopes. Hi Allie, Thank you so much for writing and for your honesty. With divorce threatening and his motivation waning, Caleb seeks advice from his father, whose anon birthed faith in Christ leads him to offer Caleb a Love Dare. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margins to your schedule.